


I'll be a better man today

by sunnylil



Series: Dynasty [1]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: A lot of talking, Bipolar Disorder, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Mickey Uses His Words, Prison, YES IT FUCKING IS OMG, a lot of feelings, post 906, trying to redeem Ian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 13:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16306139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnylil/pseuds/sunnylil
Summary: CONTAINS SEASON 9 SPOILERIt’s been six weeks. Six weeks since he said goodbye to his siblings, Kev and Vee at the gate to the prison. Six weeks of a two years sentence. Some things have been talked about in these six weeks.Ian gets a visitor he didn't expect.Shitty summary I know! Sorry!





	I'll be a better man today

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from I'll be good by Jaymes Young.  
> I'm not a native speaker, sorry for any mistakes!

“Gallagher. You’ve got a visitor.”

It’s been six weeks. Six weeks since he said goodbye to his siblings, Kev and Vee at the gate to the prison. Six weeks of a two years sentence. Six weeks since he laid eyes on the person he thought he’d never see again.

Prison isn’t nice. It’s not his happy place, not exactly.

But it could be so much worse. Falling asleep and waking up next to Mickey every day makes prison so much better than he’d ever dared to hope.

They talked more in these six weeks than in the last six years, at least that’s how it feels. Ian apologized. He apologized a lot.

He tried to explain things he wasn’t quite sure he could make sense of. They spent whole nights just talking, because even though it seemed so at first Mickey didn’t turn himself in just for him and it wasn’t just forgive and forget. Mickey was hurt, rightfully so, but he also was content that they could work through it. They got time to work through it.

_“I was just in a really bad place after I came back from running away with Monica. After I saw how she lived… I didn’t want you to go through that. All she ever did was hurt people and leave people and I didn’t… I couldn’t do that to you.”_

_“You’re not her, Ian. No matter what your siblings make you think…”_

_“I know. I know that now. But back then… And then, after you got locked up… I started the meds and it took so fucking long until I could feel something again. I didn’t want to be reminded that I lost you. That I would have to life without you for almost a decade and that you were locked up_ because _of me. That’s … That’s why I only visited you twice.”_

_“Yeah, I know.”_

He really wants this to work, because the happiest times in his life have been with Mickey. The times when he felt happy, and safe, and at home. And if he really wants this to work, he needs to be honest.

_“I told some stupid shit about you. I couldn’t … I tried to pretend that all you ever did was hurt me so it would hurt less, you know?”_

_At that, he could Mickey feel tense beneath him._

_“What the fuck, Ian? I tried to_ protect _you, not to hurt you. I didn’t – What the fuck?”_

_He’s barely able to see his face in the faint light that falls through the window of the cell door._

_“I tried to forget about the good times. I tried to move on.”_

_“Moving on doesn’t mean – What the fuck? All I ever did was trying to protect you. I tried to protect you –,” his voice cracks._

_“I’m sorry, Mick.”_

_Mickey doesn’t say another word for the rest of the night, but Ian’s able to get a smile out of him by presenting him a snickers bar as peace offering the next day._

_“You’re a fucking dumbass, Gallagher.”_

_“I’m sorry. But – It’s not like I can go back in time to change it, right? If I could I would, but…”_

_“Yeah, whatever. As long as I get a weekly supply of snickers I’m good.”_

_“You’re really cheap you know that?”_

_“Fuck off.”_

They talk about that day, at the border, too. And it’s fucking hard and it hurts because in the end, Ian never wanted to hurt him the way he did.

_“I just had Fiona’s voice in my head, all the time. That this decision might fuck up my life, forever.”_

_“And yet here you are. In fucking prison. Made the right choice then, huh?”_

_“I know. But … being on the run… That’s like the opposite of stable. What if … You can’t run from the feds or try to build a new life if I … can’t get out of bed or do something really reckless.”_

_“_ That’s _what this was about?”_

_“A few months before you escaped I broke up with – a guy and it threw me off the tracks. Nothing major happened, I handled it pretty quickly, but I couldn’t guarantee for anything. And you couldn’t offer me stability. And it’s not like we could just walk into a pharmacy to get over the counter antipsychotics.”_

_“Why the fuck didn’t you talk to me? We could’ve worked something out.”_

_“Oh because we’re so good at communicating with each other, huh?” Ian huffs. “It just would have been another obstacle that could have risked everything. I couldn’t do that to you.”_

_“For fuck’s sake, I knew what I was signing up for. We would have handled it somehow. You’re not just an embodiment of a burden, man. When I asked you to come with me I asked for all of you, not just the easy parts.”_

_“I’m sorry.” Mickey’s stubble prickles under his fingertips. Ian can feel his breath._

_“I didn’t really_ _expect you to go through with it anyway.”_

_“I know.”_

They talk about Mickey’s life in Mexico, the cartel, the FBI, Gay Jesus and the gaping hole Ian felt after he left Mickey at the border. They fight, too. ( _Why would you turn yourself in, asshole? You fucking made it. – Are you seriously trying to tell me that Terry is the only person you know that spent time in the slammer? What the FUCK Ian? … He could’ve killed you._ ) They fight and make up.

Some days it still feels like a dream. How did he end up here, in prison? How did he end up here, with Mickey, after he thought he’d lost him forever? (After he hurt him one final time, one last time in a way that he thought couldn’t be forgiven.)

* * *

 

The visitation room is crowded. Ian lets his gaze wander looking for Lip or Carl, though Lip already visited him three days ago. Fiona’s only been here once, to apologize for not being able to drive him. She had a cast on her broken wrist to back her story up and a part of Ian felt sorry for her, but another part also knew that he couldn’t help her and that he wouldn’t lose too much sleep over it.

“Yo, assface. You gonna come over or what?”

He blinks. Shakes his head. Blinks again. His vision doesn’t change. He crosses the room, a smile across his face. He’s been smiling a lot in the last weeks. More than he remembers doing during the last twelve months.

Her embrace feels as good as he remembers it. Safe. Warm. Over to fast.

“I missed you, douchebag.”

“God, yeah, I missed you, too, Mands.”

“Don’t look so fucking surprised I’m on your visitation list, man. Did you just put me on there for fun?”

He shrugs.

They sit down across each other and Mandy shots him a stern look.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Ian. I’m really mad that I have to be here. Got that?”

Ian nods, but for the love of god, he can’t stop smiling.

“So?” She prompts.

“So what?”

“Anything you wanna tell me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His face is hurting by now.

Mandy shakes her head and huffs. “Oh fuck off, I already saw him this morning. He’s basically glowing. I don’t wanna know what you’re doing – Ew, no, I shouldn’t have said that. I could have strangled him when he called me. He’s so gone, I swear to god, if you hurt him _again_ you gonna have a fucking déjà-vu.”

“Huh?” His smile is fading.

“I’m gonna send Iggy and Joey after you to finish the job Mickey never got to do all those years ago. Got it? Hurt him and you’re done.”

“That’s why you’re here, Mandy? I’m done with this shit. There’s no way I’ll ever let him go again. I did a lot of crap I’m not proud of. But it’s over. I’m not gonna hurt him again.”

“You better not.”

For a moment Ian just looks at her. Her hair is still blonde and pulled up in a ponytail, her make-up is barely visible.

“Since that’s been settled... How you’re doing? You’re still in Chicago?”

A wave of guilt suddenly washes over him. They’ve barely been in touch in the last two years, even after he learned that she’s back in Chicago. He knows that their friendship isn’t relying on constant contact, but he could’ve reached out more.

“Yeah and still working as an escort. But I started school again, getting a cosmetology licence.”

And there he is, beaming again.

“That’s great! You’re gonna open up a salon after?”

“Yeah sure, I got a fucking cash-cow. Thought about working at movie-sets, or theatre or something.”

They talk some more, about Mandy’s clients, school, her life, until the CO tells them to wrap it up.

“You gonna come visit again?”

“Phew, I don’t know, already got another idiot I promised to visit in fucking prison sometimes.”

Ian laughs. “Maybe they’ll let you visit us both at once.”

“Think you both gotta be related to me for joined visitation. It’s a bit early for that, isn’t it?” Her eyes are sparkling.

“One day, Mands. One day.”

The goodbye hug is even tighter than the first one.

“Take care of yourself.”

“I will. Promise to do the same?”

 

* * *

 

Prison sucks. There’s no way around that. The monotone routine sucks, the food sucks, the power imbalance sucks, losing his sense of time sucks. Working in laundry sucks.

“What are you doing?”

Mickey’s in their cell, sitting on the lower bed.

“Cross word.” He doesn’t look up.

“Let me help.” Ian sits down next to him, peering at the puzzle. “Capital of Finland is Helsinki.”

Mickey grunts and writes it down, before moving on to the next question, biting his lip in thoughts.

“The fuck you’re looking at?”

“You,” Ian simply states, before leaning forward to let their lips brush.

Prison sucks. But parts of it don’t.


End file.
